did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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