My sheets look like a crime scene.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My vagina just recognized that song.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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