the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
