he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
