Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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