am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
