we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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