Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
