Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
