my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
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For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
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