why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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