Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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