it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
