i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
