All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
