I accidentally burped into my bong.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Farmville is her only friend.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
