Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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