I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
