PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
