Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize