Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(646): View more from New York

Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?

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(646): Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself? http://tfl.nu/aacm

Replies (5) Good night (833) Bad night (4839)
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(347): View more from New York

i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours

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(347): i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours http://tfl.nu/3wc8

Replies (33) Good night (4519) Bad night (1876)
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(+82): View more from

I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.

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(+82): I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes. http://tfl.nu/b0wk

Replies (24) Good night (1126) Bad night (7577)
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(904): View more from Florida

So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?

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(904): So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer? http://tfl.nu/mn6g

Replies (14) Good night (5677) Bad night (1889)
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(206): View more from Washington

I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.

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(206): I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes. http://tfl.nu/wcm6

Replies (11) Good night (1104) Bad night (2808)
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(917): View more from New York City

Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.

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(917): Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us. http://tfl.nu/44xm

Replies (13) Good night (5920) Bad night (1173)
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(317): View more from Indiana

why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?

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(317): why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator? http://tfl.nu/5m0o

Replies (10) Good night (3128) Bad night (1161)
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(509): View more from Washington

He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.

(425): View more from Washington

Is that even possible?

(509): View more from Washington

I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.

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(509): He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me. (425): Is that even possible? (509): I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/y48j

Replies (17) Good night (1026) Bad night (2870)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.

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(616): Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing. http://tfl.nu/tiqf

Replies (2) Good night (1394) Bad night (559)
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(647): View more from Ontario

I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life

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(647): I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life http://tfl.nu/d1p7

Replies (4) Good night (1224) Bad night (520)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over

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(717): if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over http://tfl.nu/5a4u

Replies (3) Good night (1451) Bad night (451)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.

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(717): I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower. http://tfl.nu/u1b6

Replies (3) Good night (832) Bad night (320)
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(815): View more from Illinois

There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?

(312): View more from Illinois

Best not to. Some people need their delusions.

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(815): There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him? (312): Best not to. Some people need their delusions. http://tfl.nu/62bt

Replies (2) Good night (682) Bad night (484)
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(519): View more from Ontario

This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis

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(519): This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis http://tfl.nu/n6jf

Replies (0) Good night (583) Bad night (383)
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(212): View more from New York

maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"

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(212): maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off" http://tfl.nu/iuof

Replies (0) Good night (621) Bad night (314)

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