I have demons in me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?