dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just sucked dick on a ferry