Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.

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  (540): For future references, orgasms clear sinuses. http://tfl.nu/b2l7
  Replies (24) Good night (7876) Bad night (1552)
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  (310): View more from California

  I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.

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  (310): I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/laj1
  Replies (28) Good night (1168) Bad night (7140)
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  (845): View more from New York

  and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.

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  (845): and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college. http://tfl.nu/7djk
  Replies (4) Good night (2629) Bad night (742)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.

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  (203): You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet. http://tfl.nu/4f2y
  Replies (4) Good night (4264) Bad night (978)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..

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  (412): Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza.. http://tfl.nu/7ino
  Replies (3) Good night (635) Bad night (1008)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.

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  (604): The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her. http://tfl.nu/woml
  Replies (7) Good night (1854) Bad night (684)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"

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  (412): When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita" http://tfl.nu/mtyx
  Replies (3) Good night (1007) Bad night (560)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.

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  (563): I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked. http://tfl.nu/l7dr
  Replies (7) Good night (1474) Bad night (551)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!

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  (360): DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!! http://tfl.nu/2uub
  Replies (8) Good night (758) Bad night (1115)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.

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  (601): Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you. http://tfl.nu/w325
  Replies (3) Good night (620) Bad night (609)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.

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  (306): I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus (1-306): you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now. http://tfl.nu/txg4
  Replies (3) Good night (333) Bad night (695)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"

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  (817): I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here" http://tfl.nu/ku7n
  Replies (2) Good night (434) Bad night (393)
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  (408): View more from California

  I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.

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  (408): I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was. http://tfl.nu/1g06
  Replies (0) Good night (822) Bad night (307)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.

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  (859): Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder. http://tfl.nu/f5qx
  Replies (0) Good night (358) Bad night (192)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.

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  (905): I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot. http://tfl.nu/9bpy
  Replies (0) Good night (121) Bad night (202)

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