I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
