I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?