My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
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I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
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Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.