Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.

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(847): View more from Illinois

i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night

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(206): View more from Washington

She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(507): View more from Minnesota

Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.

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(661): View more from California

He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY

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