I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
