is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
