Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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