Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
