His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
