ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
