the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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