I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
