ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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