The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
