Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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