i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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