2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
