Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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