We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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