He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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