he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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