Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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