It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
