i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How's work?
Spinning.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Randomize
