You're so nebulous sometimes
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
