i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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