i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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