I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
