I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
