True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
