Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
