Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
