I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
