I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
