OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Boobs are out for the taking
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
