Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
