you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
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