I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
