I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
