Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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