I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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