I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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