I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
