i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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