We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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