Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
