I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
