That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
