She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
