nut hugger
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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