Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
