i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
