dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
