WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
