I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
