This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
