She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
