Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i think i just lost a toe
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
